One Woman Ship

Medical school is a lonely and isolating process. This is a truth that I want to get out because I thought things would be so different and this was a real blow for me. I knew that being a mom and in my 30s would mean that there would be some differences in my experience from most of my classmates but part of me thought that I'd make at least one or two good friends and finally feel like I was a valuable member of a group. Truth is, I don't think there is a time that I've ever felt so alone. I'm constantly studying in isolation and, even during mandatory group activities, my dramatically different upbringing and life experience leaves me feeling like the odd woman out. I'm a gen-Xer in a world of millennials. There are a few men in my class who are also in their 30s but I am the only woman. Otherwise, most of my classmates are in their early 20s. I really tried those first few weeks of school to make some connections but nothing stuck. I quickly became overwhelmed with the course load and the intensity of our accelerated curriculum, which left no time for making friends. To make the situation worse, my husband never received the transfer to Dallas so I have been single parenting our son the entire time. Trying to parent a special needs kid, maintain a household and do well in my courses has knocked me on my ass day in and day out. Everyday I feel less similar to my "peers". My ship is constantly in the eye of the storm and it really just plain sucks on most days. I've even caught myself feeling resentful toward my spouse for not being able to be here and for being so naive to what I have endured over this past year. Really the only relief from the intense isolation that I feel comes when I volunteer at the free clinic or interact with Parkland patients. In those moments, when I'm with the patients, I suddenly feel so connected. Perhaps I feel the familiar weight of their struggles and, in the words of one of my Parkland patients, I know "que son mi gente".